I guess I spoke too soon...
About us not arguing and all that. Sometimes, I just don't know what to do. How to please you. How to not make you angry anymore. Do you even know how much I hate myself to see you like that. Obviously because I'm the cause of every anger that you feel inside of you. Every single tear I shed, because of you, that is how much I feel that I'm not good enough to be your girlfriend. That is how much, sometimes I think you deserve to be treated better. I tried my very best to do so but it just seems to you that it's never good enough. Yes I admit, I do not see the sorrows that you face, how you feel towards me sometimes because you just don't speak up. All you do is bottle it in and leave me to figure everything out. I am not a mind reader, Ariff. I can't read your mind, I can't feel what you feel unless you tell me.

Put all of the blame on me. To you I am never in the right. I forgive you, just like that for every single thing you do. Oh no don't you dare say I don't. That, just now, at my workplace, was just one of the few times I was hoping you'd actually just say sorry and give me a hug to make me feel better after what you've done. Yes I started it I admit,again,but I didn't hit you that hard. I didn't jokingly hit you till your skin turns red and has marks. What is so hard to apologize about that? You say you give in all the time, yes you do sometimes. Ever since I started to change for the better for you and I slowly learning how to apologise (Oh if you need to know, I'm that kind who apologises) and console you when needed, I feel like you're taking advantage of it. You don't see the efforts I'm putting in, do you ? I don't think so.

I don't fucking know what to do now. My eyes won't stop tearing. My mind won't go to rest. For what you said just now, "Aku kan bahan," that made me feel like you don't see what I'm doing for this relationship. Like my change of attitude is nothing, to you. I tried to hold your hand, kiss you and talk to you. All you did was answer like nothing mattered and give me that face, that angry face. I am your girlfriend, remember that. I know how you are like when you are okay and when you're not. I have to wait for you to be okay and cool yourself down after every argument. What about me? Every time you do something wrong, and apologise but I'll still keep quiet, all you ever say is "Masih nak merajok ah? Nak balek uh." You see the god damn difference? I keep quiet, I force myself to be patient because I know that's the only way that'll you let go of the arguement and  be okay again. What about yourself? Have you considered about these when it comes to my feelings?

From the look of it, I don't think so. I'm not angry. I'm just disappointed that the change I've made does not mean anything at all to you.

Edited @ 0324 hours