As soon as I rested on my bed, tears start rolling down my cheeks. Again. I am not going to expose what happened earlier this morning. I feel... I can't describe. You know the feeling you get when you sense that you can lose that certain someone just about anytime. And how heavy the world suddenly seems to be when that special someone throws all your mistakes back in to your face. You'l feel like a total loser thinking that you've actually made change but fact is it's just not enough for someone else to see. Then being told in the face that you're making them feel like they're not doing enough. And when questioned a lot, you just simply can't answer because your eyes can't control your tears and your mind is blank because you know all of this is happening because of you. All you feel then, is, "I'm such a god damn bloody selfish motherfucker who doesn't deserve to live." No, seriously, I swear, I really felt like not worthy being in this world. My eyes feel really heavy and puffy right now (that's why I don't feel like going to work later.) Sigh. Everything said rewinds back in my head like a tape. How much hurt and damaged I've done to you and to our relationship. Aku berani bersumpah kerna sungguh aku cinta kamu. Cut this crap, it's over already isn't it ? Sigh.

However, whatever has happened and come what may, I've put hopes up high for this. So high, even the sky isn't the limit. I really want you, and only you. No one else. Only Muhammad Ariff. Never say that you're not doing or good enough. Cos you are. More than that,actually. I am sorry, for being the suckiest girlfriend ever. Things are going to change from now on. I assure you that.

Love indeed is the sweetest joy yet the deepest pain. I'm currently at my lowest point in life. Depression signs kicking in again? I hope not. Something's wrong with my left leg, I mean the ankle are. Hurts so bad. But nothing hurts as bad as the things I always think about. Negative thoughts on my mind 24/7, :| Should stop ranting here. And probably try to start the positive side of myself.