I will never forgive myself if you walk out of my life. There's no one else to blame except for myself. I live in fear now. Knowing that you can just leave, anytime you want to. I know your patience with me has probably ran out already. Again, I am sorry. I was never what you wanted me to be. I'm trying but I guess I'm taking way too long and always taking things for granted. I've never been this attached to someone. That is why I am afraid to lose you cos then I'll totally be lost. People out there, they don't know what we've gone through.

To everyone reading, Ariff, he is a very good guy. No I am not lying. Stop telling me to cheer up and stay strong because I know I can't. I brought this upon myself. He put up with my shit and I just take it for granted most of the time. I only do less than half of what he has done for me all these while. It is not fair to him, but again, he just put it up with me. I am the bad one here.

There's nothing much I can do now. My head hurts. My mind can't stop but think about the time he'll leave. My heart can't stop aching. And me? I can't stop hating myself for this. Ariff, I love you and I am sorry. I know that I say sorry way too many times, but I really do mean it. Every single time I say it.